Posted in Life

A short story on COURAGE

The game had started again. I am the game. The abuse, the beatings, the restrictions on clothes…the list never ended.

This had been my life as long as I could remember. No friends, restricted contact with the outside world, not showing your emotions, being a robot basically.

I was forced to believe that I am weird and abnormal. My rebellious nature made my mother physically sick, worried my father and gifted me ignorance from my brother.

I was sly enough to use either my parents or my brother’s phone and google whatever I felt. I knew it was not the best way but I had nothing else. My symptoms as per google were due to anxiety and depression. I tried the self help but it did not help me. I just could not see what was wrong in me.

It is ironical that a mental health disorder where you avoid human contact can only be cured by one. But then I had no one.

Over a period of time my parents had resigned themselves to my rebellious nature, which in turn reduced the abuse but did not end it. They told me to be grateful and I wondered for what? Abuse even if once in six months is still abuse. Not understanding a person over many years is still abuse. If this is my life now, I feared what would happen after marriage, though I did not realize at that time, I was not made for one.

When people who matter and who are to know you the best, say something negative, it leaves a lasting impression. Because you tend to believe it.

It was strange to know, that not believing in what they believe made me a person who can be used and thrown, a person who has not suffered enough to learn all the life lessons, a person who just did not deserve love.

What made me write this before leaving was the fact that my marriage was fixed without my opinion and I had finally decided to run away.

Sitting next to the window, with the wind blowing on my face, made me feel liberated, especially more since my dear brother had a change of heart and was gently snoring in the seat next to mine.

I could suddenly see a future for myself, where I could just be myself, without any restrictions.

We finally got down at our destination and looking at the restaurant on the opposite road, I suddenly felt ravenous. We entered the restaurant, and it not being a peak hour ordered immediately before I excused myself to use the washroom.

“No Dad…He does not have a boyfriend, and I have put a tracker in his bag”. I overheard my brother speaking to our father. He had his back to me and had noticed me yet.

My heart broke in the Silence that followed. I would never be free, never be able to live the life I dreamt of or even be happy. My life flashed in front of my eyes, and all I could see was nothing, just a void stretching for eternity. At the same time I could see life moving on around me as if nothing has changed. In that moment I had my clarity, and I jumped in front of the speeding truck…

PS: I have deliberately left the ending open for interpretation. I personally would like to believe that the protagonist lives. We, normal people cannot truly understand the feelings of the one being abused. The ending here was just to jar your core. We always appreciate the courage of people who break the cycle of abuse and come out of it stronger. This story is dedicated to those unnamed people, who are still stuck in that cycle. It requires a different kind of courage to be stuck in the cycle and still live on.

Posted in Life

Waiting

Find me one person who actually likes waiting. Waiting for the final call of a job interview, waiting for the results of a scan, waiting for that special one to reply? Waiting is hell on the nerves and on the heart. So why do we need to wait? Good things do not always come to those who wait. The scan results might not be good or maybe your special one never replied. So then how does waiting help us?

Waiting just helps you to increase your patience and makes you realize what is it that you actually want. You might or might not get it but that wait period will surely build up your courage to handle whatever comes your way.

You might not like what you get, but the wait, without you realizing, increases your patience and your tolerance level to handle a situation irrespective of the outcome. Subconsciously you are well-equipped to handle it. Then some random day you will look back and wonder how you managed to come out of a tough situation! It is because you waited.

So what are you waiting for today?

Posted in Life

Reality is an Illusion…

because just like an illusion, reality is our perception of it. Someone else would have a different perception of our life and reality.

You might think you are miserable since you have a good job but no partner? Someone might think, that you have a good job and are single, so free to live your life on your terms. Just like an illusion; the same image is perceived in a different manner by 2 different people.

Take this current pandemic for instance, a reality without any illusion? I still feel there is an illusion here too. Since we still do not know the complete scientific aspect of it, for some it is a like any other flu blown out of proportion, and for some it is a worldwide pandemic killing millions. All a matter of perception.

So then that begets the question, what is reality? Reality is just simple and straight facts minus the emotions and perceptions. In the above case, reality would be that millions are dying due to a disease.

However, in personal life, we might be able to keep opinions or perceptions aside, but we really cannot discount emotions out of any situation. Emotions keep strengthening, weakening; basically they just keep changing which in turn keeps changing our perception and finally our reality.

So, you must be wondering, why and how does this help? Well, it is simple. The moment you accept that reality is nothing but your perception, it would make it easier to understand and accept someone else’s perception of our reality and vice-versa; making it easier for us to survive and strengthen our relationships.